mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Randomize
