jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
