you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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