My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Two words: nipple clamps
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