At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
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