I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Randomize
