I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize