addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Randomize