Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Never joke about your clitoris.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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