The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
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