Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
