a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I forgot wine drunk hurts
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
