Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
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