I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
i already hear my dad disowning me
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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