The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
