I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
