I will die if light touches me.
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize