Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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