susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
