So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
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