This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
These tits shall not be calmed
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Randomize
