It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
