True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
