Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Randomize
