I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
