College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
