I can tuck mytits in my pants
he wants to bone in the snuggie
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
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