dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Randomize
