to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
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