i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
