Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
