When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
