He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
