Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
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