Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
