oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
I smell stomach acid.
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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