I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
