Just fell off a train. Bad.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Randomize
