And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
The power of my boobs compel you
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
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