summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
