i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
