Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
