It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Randomize
