hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
We left an ass print on the piano.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
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