I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Randomize
