I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
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