the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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