did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
