Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
I need moral support for this bender
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
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