If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
