im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
