when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Randomize
