Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Randomize
