Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
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