Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Randomize
