Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
