I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
