Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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