i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
