Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
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