were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
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