Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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