Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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