I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
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