love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"
and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."
I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
