I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
