At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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