our cab driver is having phone sex.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
