Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
