Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
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