I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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