I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Randomize
