he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
