When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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