I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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