This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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