How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
