Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
