Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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