Ambien. No doubt about it.
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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