I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
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