I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
