Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
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