I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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