nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Randomize
