I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
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