would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize