Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
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