My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
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