thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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