Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Randomize