She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Randomize
