JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Randomize
