A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
