I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Randomize
