At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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