so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
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