plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
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